Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
not ubering you a puppy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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