my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize