Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
