me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
