how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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