It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
