He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
