ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
