Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
