friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
