We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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