So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
