Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if only i could text you this smell
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
