I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
