you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
