Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize