Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize