There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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