He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
