Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
