I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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