you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
