last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
