I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
