hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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