Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
