the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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