I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
