I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize