You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
