Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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