considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
