Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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