So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize