my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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