I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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