So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
