she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
