Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
