shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
