are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
