So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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