Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
