Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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