Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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