Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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