you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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