Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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