Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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