I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
