wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
two words...techno handjob
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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