There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
