i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
