Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize