I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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