Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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