Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
