It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
