I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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