You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its liver damage thursday
Randomize