I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
