I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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