Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
