So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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