just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
