i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
