If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
