Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
as a side note pls kill me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
