wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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