Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
